Wondering Why Men Keep Disappearing? Here’s What You Can Do About It
By LSI on September 4, 2015 at 8:03 pm
Posted In: Advice
Wondering Why Men Keep Disappearing?
Here’s What You Can Do About It
by Nadine Piat
wondering why men keep disappearing
If you’re in your 30s or older and looking for love, you may have noticed something: dating’s changed. And it’s largely due to the Internet.
20 or even 10 years ago, if you knew a couple that had met online, it was rare. Today, everyone seems to be hopping on the net to meet their dream mate.
And online dating can work! There’s no doubt about it. It’s great for people who live in remote areas or those who have recently moved to a new city. Let’s face it: bumping into the love of your life at the grocery store is probably not going to happen in this day and age. We need a way to meet people that fits the 21st century.
Serious Relationships Can Come From Online Dating
So far, statistics have shown that dating in today’s tech world isn’t just for flings. Dating sites and apps are leading to an increasing number of serious relationships and marriages. A recent Pew Research Center study showed that 5 percent of committed relationships and marriages in the U.S. started online. Another study by eHarmony, cited in USA Today, found that 1 in 3 marriages in the U.S. begin online.
So why then are so many men and women still single and desperately looking to meet a mate?
In many ways, technology may be to blame. Funny how that works, isn’t it?
Sure, there are amazing upsides to technology. It connects people and forms new relationships even across great distances. It also keeps people who are already in relationships connected: you can stay in contact all day through phone, video chat, text, email, Facebook, and other technological pathways.
But the downsides to technology can also hurt your possibilities of finding a mate.
In this age of online dating and “swiping” for love on apps like Tinder, have you noticed that every man you think you could have a connection with ends up being just like the rest? What’s the deal? Where’s the one?
There are three big reasons why finding love seems to be getting harder these days. Learn to deal with these issues, and you’ll be able to avoid that consistent heartbreak you’ve been facing.
First, we’ve got too many choices.
Yes, we have more opportunities to meet men, but that leads to boatloads of choices.
Oftentimes, when you have too many options, you start to become increasingly critical. If you’ve been single and looking for years and then finally meet a man who’s grounded, kind and has your sense of humor, don’t ditch him because he wears pleated pants or likes a band you hate. No one’s perfect.
Now, don’t get us wrong: it’s good to be particular to a point when looking for a mate. Don’t just pick the first guy who IM’s you and stay with him no matter what. But conversely, don’t let the many choices paralyze you. If you do that, you might never connect with anyone.
Second, there’s a lot of competition out there.
You might not like this one, but it’s true. Just as there are more opportunities for you to meet more men, there are also more opportunities for those men to meet more women. You’ve got some competition.
Where this becomes a problem is with initial contact. Many women feel that their profile pictures must be absolutely glamorous shots to attract attention. Similarly, some women end up lying in their profiles in order to be at “the head of the pack” so to speak.
While it’s tempting to bend the truth in order to rule out competition, perhaps the simple reminder that you will eventually need to meet the men you are texting and IM-ing online in person will snap you back to reality. You shouldn’t flat out lie just to be “better” than the rest of the single gals out there. Let your own personality and beauty shine through so that you’ll find someone who’s a true match.
Lastly, we’re largely living in a fantasy world.
Many of the women who are in the online dating pool have ultra high expectations. Hey, that’s not a bad thing! But you can’t form your expectations around fantasies. That is, you’re not going to end up like Meg Ryan in You’ve Got Mail. You are not Elizabeth Bennet from Pride & Prejudice. Sorry, hun.
But don’t let that ruin your fun. Listen, the perfection of that muscular, super-tanned, Italian hunk (or whatever your fantasy is) is flat out unattainable. What you’re looking for should be a partner, a real human being you can live with, have fun with, and share a life with. That person is out there, and he’s not a fantasy.
Unfortunately, the numerous choices and tough competition out there can feed on these fantasies and cause us to pass on good men in favor of someone who seems too good to be true (they probably are).
And this is a delusion that can keep you from love, but fortunately…
You can break this crazy cycle with this secret. You’ll also want to check out the following tips.
More Tips for Navigating the Online Dating Environment:
Get to know yourself better.
Before you can have a quality relationship with someone else, you’ve got to have a quality relationship with yourself. Get to know the real you: what activities you like, what makes you smile, and what makes you laugh.
When you have a solid stance on yourself, you’ll be much more able to pick through the masses of men online and find the ones who match your style. You’ll also be more competent on your own and therefore more attractive to men.
Don’t give up easily.
Online dating is difficult. You’re going to have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find the one. But make sure you don’t give up, and this is key. You might feel frustrated by a terrible date or acquire a bruised ego after a rejection from someone you really liked. Don’t let this hold you back.
Having a quality relationship with a man can be a great improvement on your life. Just remember, dating is like looking for a job. No one’s going to knock on your door and offer you a job, right? You have to go out and find one for yourself. You might drop off hundreds of resumes and have tons of interviews. That’s the breaks.
Similarly, Prince Charming won’t be knocking on your door to offer you a lifetime of love and happiness either; you’ve got to go out and work for it.
Engage in real life.
Online dating is great, but don’t forget that it is possible to meet someone in “real life” with initial face-to-face contact. That’s the “old fashioned” way!
And yes, even video chats won’t give you the same connection that sitting in-person with someone can. Often with online dating, the IM-ing, video chatting, and emailing is where the connection is made, and once you meet in person, it’s like a light went out and there’s … nothin’. Meeting people directly in real life to begin with just eliminates the middleman. You’ll know right away.
Don’t be afraid to approach men first.
Unfortunately, women are still being held back by social conventions that have no place in the 21st century. Yes, you can ask a man out first. If he’s got a problem with it, do you really want to be with him anyway?
Besides, why do you want to wait for your partner to come to you? Be bold! Push aside fears and your old views about dating. Men are often thankful when a woman is the first to approach them. It gives them confidence that you’re interested.
Finally, Have a Little Faith
The last thing to remember is that faith can go a long way. Dating won’t be easy whether you do it online or in person, but you can find a wonderful relationship if you have faith.
Don’t get discouraged, and stop comparing yourself to others. Maybe that other couple is lucky in love but unlucky elsewhere in their lives. Or maybe the people who you think have the “perfect relationships” actually have a lot of trouble of their own. Sometimes, a woman appears to have met the man of her dreams so very quickly, but that’s because they took the first guy who came along. You don’t want that. Hold out for a great match, and he’ll be there.
The woman who finds the love she wants stays open to love, even when it feels difficult to do so.